The Endless Tug: Grief's Dance Between Moving On and Holding On

Grief isn't linear; it's more like a relentless tug of war. On one side, there's this overwhelming urge to move forward, to step into a new day where the pain isn't as sharp, where memories don't sting quite so much. You want to heal, to rebuild, to find joy again. But on the other side, there's this equally powerful pull to stay, to linger in the past where everything felt whole, where the person you lost was still here, or the life you knew was unchanged.

This struggle is daily, sometimes hourly. You wake up with plans to push forward, only to find your heart dragging you back to moments you can't revisit. You set goals, make plans, but then a scent, a song, a memory, and suddenly, you're not moving forward at all; you're just standing still, or worse, retreating into the comfort of what was.

It's a battle between wanting to honor the past by living fully in the present, and yet, not wanting to leave the past behind because that feels like betrayal. Moving forward feels like leaving someone or something behind, and that's a hard step to take. Not moving forward feels like being stuck, like life is passing you by, but at least there, in that stagnation, the memories remain untouched, preserved.

This tug of war is exhausting. It's not just about the physical act of living but the emotional labor of deciding which side to pull harder on today. Some days, you might make strides forward, feeling a bit lighter, a bit more like yourself again. Other days, the pull backwards is so strong, you're not sure if you've moved at all over the weeks or months.

Grief, in this way, teaches us about resilience, about the capacity of the human heart to endure, to hope, and to love even through pain. It's a testament to our strength, to keep fighting this battle, to keep trying to move forward even when every fiber of your being wants to stay. And perhaps, the beauty in this struggle lies not in resolving it but in learning to live within it, to honor both the moving forward and the staying still, understanding that both are part of the journey through grief.

With love,

Aimee