The Firsts - Without You

There’s a unique weight to the firsts after losing someone you love. They creep up, unannounced at times, and other times they loom like a shadow you can’t quite escape. The first holiday, the first birthday, the first family gathering, even the first time you walk into a room where they once stood—it all feels different. For me, it’s been a journey of navigating those moments while holding onto their memory.

The first holiday without them can feel like a bittersweet blur. There’s the urge to honor traditions, yet the absence is palpable. You find yourself instinctively setting the table the way they liked it or pulling out decorations they always loved, only to feel the sting of realizing they’re not there to see it. It’s a dance between wanting to keep things the same and knowing everything has already changed.

The milestones are their own kind of ache. You think about how they would have celebrated, what they would have said or done. For me, small things help, like watching a favorite TV show we used to enjoy together, even if it means laughing or crying through the episodes. There’s a comfort in those shared moments, even if they’re now just memories.

Then there are the ordinary firsts, the ones you don’t anticipate. The first time I reached for the phone to call them, forgetting for a moment that they wouldn’t answer. The first quiet morning when their favorite chair sat empty. The first time I heard a song they loved and couldn’t share the moment with them. And yes, even the first time I sat down to watch a show we always loved, realizing they wouldn’t be sitting beside me. These small moments often hit the hardest.

But through all these firsts, I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel everything—to laugh, cry, remember, and even let joy sneak back in when it wants to. I’ve come to see these moments not just as reminders of what I’ve lost, but as opportunities to carry their legacy forward.

If you’re facing your own “firsts,” know that you’re not alone. Allow yourself to grieve, to remember, and to find new ways to honor the person you’ve lost. The journey is anything but easy, but it’s in these moments that we learn how to carry their love with us, even as we take steps into a new chapter of life.

With love and gratitude,

Aimee ❤️