The Friends Who Leave When You Need Them Most

Grief has a way of stripping life down to its rawest, most unfiltered truths. It exposes what matters and, just as importantly, who matters. One of the hardest lessons I’ve learned during the grieving process is that not everyone sticks around when you’re in the trenches of loss.

In the beginning, people come with flowers, casseroles, and kind words. They send cards, texts, and messages saying, “I’m here for you if you need anything.” But grief isn’t just those first few weeks or months. It lingers. It changes shape, but it stays. And so many of those people—people you thought would be your rocks—start to fade away.

Maybe they don’t know what to say. Maybe your pain makes them uncomfortable. Maybe they assume you’re fine because you’ve learned how to get out of bed, smile, and function again. Whatever the reason, they drift, and you’re left with the stark realization: They weren’t your people.

It’s not just grief, either. Life has other valleys—illness, heartbreak, financial struggles, and personal failures. Moments when you’re brought to your knees, desperate for someone to hold your hand and say, “I’ve got you.” And sometimes, the people you thought you could count on aren’t there. They disappear when things get tough, proving that their presence was conditional.

At first, it stings. You feel abandoned. You wonder if you did something wrong, if your grief or struggles were “too much.” But the truth is, their leaving says more about them than it does about you.

The people who drift away during your hardest times aren’t bad people—they just aren’t your people. Your people are the ones who show up, even when it’s hard. The ones who don’t need you to be “okay” for them to stick around. They sit with you in the mess, hold space for your pain, and don’t flinch when the grief gets ugly.

If you’ve lost people during your grieving process, it’s okay to grieve them, too. It’s okay to feel hurt. But don’t let their absence define your worth. Instead, focus on the ones who stayed. The ones who text you months later, asking how you’re really doing. The ones who sit with you in silence because they know there are no words.

Grief, struggle, and hardship are brutal, but they also have a way of refining your relationships. They peel back the layers and reveal the true connections in your life. And while it may hurt to lose some people along the way, it’s a blessing to know who’s truly in your corner.

Because at the end of the day, your people aren’t just the ones who celebrate your highs—they’re the ones who stay through the lows.

With love,

Aimee ♡